Quite actually, I threw it in the recycling bin, I try to be a more Eco-friendly sista. I threw away my vision board not because I got frustrated, or because I wasn’t meeting my goals. I didn’t even throw it away because I changed my mind on where I want to see myself. I threw it away because I was just so set on having nothing come in between my vision.
On my vision board was the typical stuff. A car I wanted to have, the high rise in the city, a picture of Iyanla Vazant which signifies my desire to be a therapist, and a beautiful woman in a amazing wedding dress which signifies my desire for marriage. And to top it off a date that I must have these things by or else I’ll consider myself an absolute failure. I had all the pictures and words that are my heart’s desires on this board. Yet, even when placed so neatly together I thought to myself: this vision board needs to go.
Instead I clinged to the well known Jeremiah 29:11 verse that that tells me “I know the plans that I have for you. Plans to give you hope and a future”. This same scripture on my journal that I intentionally purchased to remind me that God has the vision! I realized I was a thought in God’s head before He even sent me to my mother’s womb. He created me, and said to himself “it is well”. He spoke my whole life’s beginnings, and ends into existence. I’m not in control of any of this. I’m not in control of my career, car, location or love life. I’m literally just a vessel.
I’ve been placed exactly where I am, at the exact time, to the exact people for a reason. My will never can or has stopped God’s will from happening. And believe me I have fought against it. I may have sung “I surrender all” but my actions were singing: God I’ll give you some. I’ll give you some of me because I’m scared what you have to offer me won’t be what I want. God, I’m scared you’re going to tell me I have to stay in my exact location. I’m scared you want me to be in a occupation that I don’t believe I’m fit for. I’m scared you want me to be single forever, or worse: have me a marry someone so boringly incompatible to me.
These legitimate fears, or shall I say doubts that I wiped out by stamping my vision board over His will. I figured if I just put all my wants on this board and I put God’s stamp of approval on it by writing with a sharpie Habakkuk 2:2 “Write the vision, make it plain.” that I will see all these things come to pass. I think sometimes God would laugh at my crazy. He might have thought: “Daughter, you for real think I’m going to certify your disobedience because you misinterpret my word for your own personal ambitions. Right…”
The constant struggle of fighting God’s will is a struggle I didn’t want to have anymore. So I continually say yes while I trudge uphill in this Godforsaken snow to my classes at a university I don’t want to be at. I say yes, while I impatiently wait for God to say the next move to do concerning my career. I say yes, while I bite my tongue to not lash out when things don’t go my way. I must admit I do these things unwillingly. I’m the most stubborn piece of clay that God could use to mold into what He wants. But I remind myself that with time He makes all things beautiful. I remind myself that I must be after his heart and not his hand. For where his heart is, there is the true treasure of life that can’t be unfolded by temporary things.
So while I probably won’t end up with all the things I want and ask for, I somehow always end up with all the things I didn’t know I quite needed. I haven’t abandoned my visions, I haven’t stopped writing my plans, and I’ll never stop dreaming. I just decided to stop only laying these ideas on a powerless board and start laying these ideas before the Author of my life.