I’ve been thinking about writing this post for quite some time now. But I found it ironic that just a few minutes ago before I started to write this, I saw a hashtag someone posted about how much their lives changed in two years, and I thought to myself “Wow, look at her, girl, your life hasn’t even changed slightly in four years-what have you been doing?” Then I stopped myself and thought “Ugh see! Stop Rose, there it is, you’re doing the exact same thing you’re about to write about” As you can see, this rids me of any expertise on how to make sure false thoughts get out your head and stay out, however, I can give you my truth, and my truth is, I had to give an eviction notice to the bad tenants I mean thoughts living in my head.
These thoughts have been breathing and birthing awful feelings about myself ever since I and others around me spoke them into existence. Their names? Inadequacy, unhappiness, low confidence, jealousy, envy, low perceived value.
A lot of the time these thoughts start as a child. We adopted them from what others said about us. Like when we got teased for our skin tone, hair, weight or whatever thing that made us appear to be different from others. Sometimes these thoughts came from rumors and lies that others spewed out about us. We heard their voices say so many wrong things about us that suddenly their voices became the voice in our own head.
Could it be your voice is just an internalized version of someone else’s?
Then as we grew, we began to see certain negative situations happen in our lives and we support them with the negative thoughts we already had about ourselves “You didn’t pass that exam? Of course you didn’t because you can’t do anything right, you’re stupid, and you’re definitely going to be far from successful.”
See how one thing went extremely left in a matter of seconds with that thought? Well that’s what we do all the time! Instead of allowing your thoughts to cause chaos, why don’t you just put them in their place? Or put them out of the place they should’ve never lived in?
Before you serve notice, here’s a few steps to help you throughout the process:
- Find out whose voice are you really listening to.
“The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep recognize his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4 After he has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow him because they know his voice. 5 They won’t follow a stranger; they will run from him because they don’t know his voice.” John 10:3-5
Above all, God’s voice should be what leads you, encourages you, or corrects you, He knows your name, and any word contrary to His is the voice of a stranger. Your friend, boyfriend, or parent’s voice might as well be a stranger if the words that leave their tongue about you are not what Christ says about you. God says to us his thoughts for us are precious and can’t be numbered. Who have you allowed to not speak precious things towards you? Why have you not spoken precious things towards yourself?
- Take Your Words Seriously
I have a bad habit of joking negatively about myself. I’m not aware half the time of the things I say because I don’t think the words I say in casual conversation have power. Each day I learn to correct my speech. When I’m joking with friends that I’ll always struggle in a certain area, or that I’m a “such a complete failure” because I forgot to do the most minor of things, I don’t always take into consideration that those words became life once I spoke them. This is not to say that you can’t tease or joke about yourself but sometimes the root of those funny sayings are revelations of how you really feel about yourself. Check yourself in this area sometimes, or have a friend hold you accountable to the negative things you say.
- Evaluate if The The Thoughts are True
You have to get to the root of these thoughts. What happened to you to make you think this way about yourself? What situation took place in your past that became your reference point to these thoughts? Speak on it, say it out loud and call out that thing. Sometimes saying your feelings out loud to yourself can make you realize how ridiculous you actually sound. And if the situation really isn’t ridiculous, analyze how that situation made you feel. Figure out if those feelings hold any relevance to the person you are now because most of the time those feelings are just years old insecurities that should’ve been immediately addressed and dealt with.
- Speak your truth
If you’re dealing with a situation that holds actual weight to who you are now, instead of insisting that you are damaged as result of this situation, focus on the outcome you’d like to happen. Knee-deep in debt? Instead of saying you’re a foolish, broke person who can’t get in control of your life, say: “I will be financially and emotionally intelligent, and I’m prepared to pay all of my bills as I prepare for wealth.” Feeling single and lonely? Instead of saying you’re hitting a certain age and if you don’t have a man now, then you’ll always be single, say: “I know the Author of time and He does not work around my biological clock, I’m a human being worthy of honest, genuine, and consistent true love. I refuse to settle just to satisfy a temporary feeling.” Those are more than just empowering affirmations, it’s the truth, and they are your truths. Own it, speak it, and exist in it.
A lot of the time, when tenants get evicted they always try and find a way back in, they go through other people, they use a spare key aka another disappointing event in your past, and they do anything just to find a way to stay a little longer, and buy more time in a space that is no longer theirs. But, you must stand in confidence knowing these thoughts can’t afford your space anymore. These thoughts have cost you your perspective, possible relationships, and potential success. Cut your expenses, free up your mental space, and allow for truth, positivity, and peace of mind to live in you.
Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”