Before I start, I want anyone to know who is reading this that this post is by no means bashing a sister who is relaxed or wears weave. At any given moment I will proudly buy and rock a bundle of hair. I will never relax my hair again, but, I won’t bash a woman who does. My hair choices are mine, and I don’t respect when woman bash others for not being natural. Honestly, until all of us can go outside without any makeup, and absolutely no hair products no woman is absolutely natural.
My point of this post is sharing my story of embracing all of me through returning to my natural hair. My prayer is that you’ll find find what you’ve rejected about yourself and use it to love yourself on a deeper level.
Now, let me take you to December 2015. I had just taken out a full weave with a frontal piece. (If you don’t know what a frontal is please google or YouTube it). After I looked in the mirror I noticed my hair was SO damaged! My hair thinned out, my edges went adios, and my scalp was super sensitive. I was so devastated and angry that I allowed my hair to reach this point and I decided to chop it off.
After my big chop, I threw a wig on for 4 months. I loved it, it was natural looking, long, and fit me. I even chopped it into a bob
Finally, May of 2016 came. My hair grew into a mini fro or a TWA (aka a tiny weeny afro), and I had just enough hair to do sew in with hair left out for my graduation day.
Then summer came and the sew in had to come down. The year was rough financially so the hundred dollar sew ins and wigs were completely out the question. I pondered on what to do. I didn’t want to let my real hair out, but I didn’t want to break the bank either. So what did I end up doing?
This was the first time I let my real hair out in 11 years! I did not relax my hair in a year and a half by then, and my big chop cut off all my relaxed ends. My hair was in its natural state and my perception of my natural hair was tainted. I had insecurities from a young age about my hair because I was teased about it, and made to feel ugly. Those little girl insecurities followed me as an adult. I even talked about in my blog, Mac Controversy: The Little Black Girl in me Cried Out
Nonetheless, despite my insecurities, I took the dive into the world of self-acceptance. Slowly but surely, after several failed twist outs, braid outs, and wash n’ go’s, I finally found what worked for my hair. From that point on, it was nothing but love for natural me!
This was HUGE!
I fell in love with my hair that I hated for 11 years. I fell in love with the hair that society told me was ugly. I fell in love with the hair that I tucked in while glamorizing the hair that didn’t belong to me. For the first time ever, I realized my hair was beautiful! I was enjoying my curls!
Some of y’all might of given me the side eye for that last sentence, but work with me here. Up until I relaxed my hair, (which was the age of 11) my mom did my hair, and all she did was wash it, blow dry it, oil it, and put it in braids. When my hair was out, it was always frizzy. I always ignorantly called my hair nappy since that’s what I saw, and what everyone else called my hair.
The moment I accepted my hair, I finally rejected all the lies that made me insecure about my hair. It was never ugly, unmanageable, unprofessional, or any other lie society told me and black women our hair is.
The first week of wearing my hair naturally was one of the most uncomfortable things I ever did to myself. Then eventually it became liberating. This freedom to wear my own hair spread to everything else. I felt free to allow myself to be more vulnerable. I felt free from insecurities. I felt free in discovering myself. I felt free to become more honest with myself. I felt free from discreet fears that I wouldn’t be able to keep a significant other once I took my weave out. I felt totally and completely free in my natural beauty, a feeling I never had.
Natural hair is an ode and honor to your roots. It’s a dismissal of societal standards. It’s an indescribable satisfaction in how God made you. Now, I understand the glory of my crown. I hope you’ll understand the glory of yours too.
If you’ve been debating on whether to go natural, or makeup less, or waist trainer-less or whatever thing that’s been keeping you from complete confidence I urge you to do it. Reveal what covers your insecurities! For me it was my hair, for others it could be something completely different. It’s an experience like no other to be completely content in self and not reliant on any additives. Go ahead, and love on the places you don’t want others to see.
I pray my journey of acceptance, and self-love blesses you as much as it did me.
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” I Peter 3:3-4