This year has been very interesting to say the least. I’ve been learning so much about people, even the things I wish I didn’t have to. I’ve been learning about myself and the part I play in the growing and tending to my relationships. I’ve also been hit with the reality of realizing sometimes the foundation of what I’m trying to tend to just isn’t durable enough to last through the seasons. It sucks. It really does.
Marvin Sapp came to preach at a conference I attended a few months ago. He said something that really stuck with me on the current season I’m in. He said while mourning the death of his wife, God spoke to him and said, “Aside from Me, every relationship you have is temporary.” Although in that context God was speaking to Marvin Sapp about his wife’s death, Minister Sapp (who I didn’t even know ministers until that day) used it in the sermon at the conference to let the audience know that our relationships with people that we get so caught up on are temporary aside from God. It was a cold truth I wasn’t willing to accept whether in the context of death or in the context of relationships drifting apart and becoming non-existent.
To tell you a little about my situation I’ve been entering and exiting temporary relationships with people for at least the past two years. Sometimes it’s because of busyness and unwillingness to keep up, sometimes it’s because feelings change, sometimes it’s because of something petty. But recently, a close relationship ended with someone who I thought was close to me because of something I have going on with another mutual friend. Now, I’m not going to be delusional, I know this ex-friend chose this issue because our friendship was drifting apart anyway and her choosing this reason to not speak to me was probably putting the nail in the coffin and deading our relationship. It did hurt, but I’m not going to cry for anybody who doesn’t want to be for me. Period.
However, the fact remains I’ve been taking to heart lately all the people who are apparently seeing enter and exits signs attached to my forehead. I think society has us programmed to have a “cut that person off” culture. We say goodbye to people just as soon as we introduced ourselves. We don’t walk with one another. We cherish seclusion, and apply the gift of goodbye once any type of conflict arises. I can’t get with that, not anymore at least. I used to be a fan of cutting a person off once they do something to piss me off, but that honestly says more about me than the other person. Now, when friendships/relationships fall apart I respect it, but those people will never feel any ill-will from me. Eventually, it gets old to operate in bitterness and pettiness.
With all that said, it doesn’t change what’s obviously going on in my life right now. It’s clearly pruning season. God is unearthing some unattractive things in my life that I fooled myself into thinking were actually good for me. It really sucks thinking what I thought were flowers, are actually weeds once I get up closer. Weeds are being pulled from the root right before my eyes. Before my eyes, I’m seeing how I even aided in the growth of these detrimental relationships. Instead of helping God pull them by the root, I would say no to God and stop him from pruning. I would water these relationships as if they’re going to produce any fruit. I would whine, and ask God why are certain things happening and why does he want me to be alone and pretty much friendless/relationship-less.
While I’m still in the middle of learning this lesson, I’m pretty sure I already found the answer. I have to stop holding on, and start releasing those who aren’t for me.
That hurts to even type.
But, it only hurts because I’m choosing to see it as something painful. I’m sure God wants me to see it as putting antiseptic on a cut. Yes, it will sting, but, it will also heal me from my wounds. I have to realize that unfortunately in life, people will come, and people will go, but God will remain.
Additionally, I have to understand that just because someone isn’t for me it doesn’t mean they are evil, hurtful, deceiving, or whatever word I’ve labeled them as because they no longer want to be in my life. That’s just it, they aren’t for MY life. They aren’t for MY walk, or MY future. I can’t cry, whine, or complain about somebody who isn’t tied to my destiny. It doesn’t even make sense. They have their own walk to do in life and that doesn’t include me. I can’t be mad at that. My presence won’t make sense for what God has for them just as much as their presence won’t make sense in mine. I will no longer grab onto someone’s leg as they attempt to walk away from me anymore.
Although their storyline in my life is ending, the Author isn’t done writing. God isn’t done putting together the pieces of my life. So I’m going to release, release, release. I’m going to release everyone who doesn’t have a place in my life any longer. I’m going to stop wishing for a part two, and a part three to that person. I’m going to stop trying to re-write how things went and finally accept what happened for what it is. And it is not for me. Never will, never has.
I hope if you’re like me you’ll find strength to do the same and believe the best is truly yet to come. I hope you believe you’re not forgotten. I hope you release that person that you were thinking of the whole time you were reading this and truly move onto what God has for you.