At eleven I tried to find emotional release with my daddy but instead, I was told to withstand my mother’s emotional abuse because according to him “mothers aren’t allowed to leave but dads can go at anytime.”
At thirteen I experienced physical abuse but instead of protecting me, my daddy looked away in silence.
At fourteen I wanted to be told I was pretty, but instead my daddy told me it was my fault when I shared the fear I had when a older man had followed me on my street.
In high school, I wanted to be affirmed, and taught about the boys who approached me, but instead I was told by daddy to stop letting my hair down, and avoid any talk of the opposite sex.
My daddy not only painted an unhealthy picture of men, but of me as a woman. So I looked for the guys who would affirm me, tell me I’m gorgeous, let me have fun, say I have a nice body, and allow me to be proud of my femininity.
Only those men weren’t aware of what their own masculinity really meant. It’s the reason I was seen as another trophy and not the image bearer of God that I was.
They thought manhood was defined in womanhood and I defined myself by what they thought and said to me, never knowing or understanding how the Father saw me.Because of a lack of knowledge I stayed in ignorance of who I really was, which was yes, a beautiful woman, but more importantly a beautiful creation by a great Father.
My daddy didn’t teach me a woman’s worth. My daddy didn’t put me onto game.
My daddy didn’t allow or want me to bloom.
My daddy taught me men would only leave me, hurt me, and not protect me. So as a good student, I allowed for his lessons to be applicable to my life.
Men left me.
Men hurt me.
Men would not protect me.
So when Father came along, it was hard to depict a Father that could accept me, teach me, correct me, cover me, and show me what a woman should be. He wouldn’t be embarrassed of my femininity, but He would strengthen it.
My Father didn’t stop there…
He also showed me himself depicted in Jesus, and showed me what a man should be. Jesus, the perfect gentleman- who pursues me, is jealous for me yet won’t force himself on me. This man showed me love in it’s purest form, and even in my mistakes he told me he was committed to me.
Father showed me He’d pick up where daddy left off. He called good what daddy called wrong, and called wrong what daddy called good.
My Father is why my daddy issues are no longer issues but only proof that God is truly a father to the fatherless. My daddy was present but his presence often times broke me. Where daddy’s love failed, Father proved His love as perfect.
Queen, Father’s love is perfect.