I’ve been celibate for a few years. Not only celibate but really celibate. Not that celibacy is an adjective, but sometimes not having sex sounds like you’re describing an emotion.
Friend: “So, you don’t have sex?”
Me: “No, I actually don’t have sex, I haven’t in years…”
*Face of bewilderment shows on friend’s face*
Friend: “So… uh why not?”
I remember making the decision to be celibate well actually it was more like an understanding. My best friend had called me and told me she wanted to be celibate with her then boyfriend, and I said nonchalantly ” Oh yeah I am too!” I never actually gave it any thought, I never challenged whether it was a sacrifice I was willing to do, I just did it. But boy did I learn that it was and is hard.
I went through a time where I questioned how hard I could push the envelope while technically still not having sex. All these questions popped up like…
Is oral sex, still sex?
Is masturbation allowed?
What if we just rub up while kissing?
Pornography isn’t sex though… I’m just watching it and that isn’t wrong?
But, God answers all those questions with one sentence…
“If anyone even looks at a woman (person) lustfully, they’ve already committed adultery in their heart.” -Matthew 5:28
While that might not quench your thirst, while that might not put out the fire, while that might not always keep you, know that God created sex. He wants you to enjoy it. He wants you to have healthy and fulfilling sex! *praise dancing for my wedding night*
This might sound different from the way some ol’ church mothers and pastors have described it. If you’re like me, sex was a bad word growing up. I always wondered why is sex so condemned but we got so many babies everywhere. (Shade thrown)
Celibacy is and always will be a struggle. It’s not a disease-it can’t be cured. It’s a natural desire that’s been tainted by media and our personal experiences. That is why we get concerned about celibacy. We wouldn’t fear celibacy if it was a normal part of our lifestyles and not a practice.
a daily dosage of putting your desires to the side and letting God be your focus.
It’s denying homeboy’s request for a date because you rather sit in front of your King.
It’s saying you rather wait for God to meet your desires of the heart by bringing you your husband, than fulfill your desires of the flesh and giving yourself a few minutes of pleasure for a night.
You’ll have questions, you’ll have concerns, you’ll have complaints. It’s sex for goodness sakes! But it’s worth it Queens. It’s worth sacrificing all of you, to receive all that God has for you.