Dear Future Husband,
I wanted to write you a letter. Not a love letter, but a letter of truths that I need you to know about me. I want to be the best wife I could possibly be for you. I want to love you without reserve. I want to give you the weakest parts of me and allow for you to be a protector of my heart. But, before I experience such life changing love with you I need you to know some things about me.
My future husband, it takes me awhile to be open. I’m constantly building walls in case I need to shut out something from coming in. I need for you to not be afraid of the gate keepers of this wall. Their names are hurt, and pride. Hurt is my soft gate keeper. Hurt is sensitive, and needs you to be delicate in order for you to be let in. Hurt actually wants you to come in because you can assist in the healing that is needed for my heart, but then, there’s pride. Pride is my angry gatekeeper. Pride will try to chase you off, and deny your presence is needed. Pride will claim she knows the bad that you will do even though she has never encountered anyone like you before.
What’s in my heart that’s needs such careful keeping? My mommy issues, my daddy issues, every man who never kept his word, and every friend who up and left. Those experiences did things to me that I kept in and never fully healed from. I’m doing my best to be emotionally healthy amidst all the things I went through relationally.
I needed you to prove that love can be committed to me. I promise I’m not just a broken record that wants you to keep spinning me. I don’t want to keep record of all of those who played me. But when I imagine you I see every sad love song that flowed from me.
I want you to be my new melody.
I want to love you like you deserve. I know you deserve it because I know I wouldn’t have married you if you didn’t pursue me. If you didn’t choose me, honor me, elevate me, and protect me, I wouldn’t write this open letter to you with the instructions to my heart. Dear husband, you are qualified to come face to face with my heart. You are qualified to be a reflection of my flaws. You are qualified to chase out my fears. You are qualified to cover me. You are qualified to love me.
And I will do the same for you. Love shouldn’t hurt, but it doesn’t mean that love isn’t work. This won’t be a selfish love. This love won’t leave you in hard times. This love won’t break you down. This love will love you in ways to question if anyone other than God has loved you powerfully before. This love will pray for you because it trusts that God created love and knows how to sustain it. This love will be faithful to you. In a room full of thousands it would still choose you. This love would never be blinded by what glimmers because it knows her king is truly gold. This love will cherish you. This love will go through pain for you, and will experience pain with you when it brings forth little lives that it wishes to not only look like you but become like you. This love admires you. In every imperfect way it knows you are perfect for it. This love will love you lovingly with love.
This love is yours.
I know I said this isn’t a love letter, but our love defies even what was said in our past.
To my future husband, here’s to a lifetime with me, you, and our God that is the foundation of us.
Your future wife.