Unprepared, But, I Want it Anyway…

It’s the most humbling, yet, heart-breaking experience to have. To acknowledge how deeply you want the things you want, yet exercising wisdom to know that if you received the things you want, it would be taken advantage of and inevitably fall apart.
Maybe you’re like me and know the reason why you haven’t walked into the places of destiny, and linked with divine connections is because there’s something in you.
There’s something in me that is like a repellant to the things God has for me. 
I profess all day and night my love for God, and my will to do everything he has purposed and planned for me….

But the reality is, purpose can be painful!
Every good thing for me is opposite from me. And I have to admit the reality that at times I’m a polar opposite from my desires.
I want to be a wife, but not just a wife, I want to be married to a God fearing purpose minded man! But have I taken on it upon myself to be the things a wife of a Godly man should be?
Can I serve? Can I sacrifice? Can I do that other ‘s’ word… ugh, must I say it?Okay…submit?! Can I reliquinsh the reins of independence that I try so hard to maintain? Can I admit that I’m wrong… or better yet, swallow in the times I’m right in order for us to be in harmony? And my biggest fear- can I trust myself to be 100% emotionally, spiritually, and physically available to a man, in hopes that he’ll do the same? 
The same for purpose! Can I again, sacrifice? Can I put in long hours of work to often not see any return? Can I stick to a schedule? Am I timely? Have I made myself a good steward over the small things in my life currently so that I may be a ruler of many later? Have I poured out all that was poured into me? Have I walked with a spirit of Eden? Meaning, have I’ve worked in God’s presence while listening to God’s instruction? 


Excuse my colloquialism, but ‘ain’t’ brings a deeper emphasis on the statement I’m making. 
Queens, I must be honest, we must be honest. We haven’t received the fullness of God because we wouldn’t know how to contain it. We would misuse it, abuse it, idolize it, and bring dishonor to it every chance we get. We receive in the same measure we can contain. God desires to give us the exceedingly and abundantly, but we’re still at a loss on how to actually receive.

We are broken vessels. We pour out filtered love that should fall freely. We work according to the returns that are promised. We are obedient to what fits inside our comfort zones. 
That is why we are okay with the mediocre things that meet us at our place of mediocrity. We want things so badly, that we can’t even see they’re not of God.
The things I had thought were of God are illegitimate replicas of His blessings.

Yes, that man may walk like it, talk like it, look like the part, but I knew deep down it wasn’t God. Yes, it may have inspired me a bit, promised a salary, and would have been good, doesn’t mean it was God. 
There is a fine line between good and God, and the difference isn’t the second ‘o’, but, its I. I am the difference. God is never to blame. I am the person who decides if I’ll walk in obedience to God’s instructions. I am the person who will be comfortable in my free will, or walk in God’s perfect will. 

Dear Queens, 

Don’t underestimate the responsibility that comes with your position as a daughter of a King.


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