According to my calendar it’s July 10th of 2017. I’m not sure who told time it could go by this quickly, or if it’s just a cruel joke. But I suppose the Author of time wouldn’t find funny the way I’ve wasted mine.
Or even how you may have wasted yours.
Many things can be bought back, or replaced but time isn’t one of them. My resources, my ideas, my wants, my actions, haven’t been utilized in the way in which I hoped.
But nevertheless, I am here before you writing this agreement with myself that I will not be anything less than what God has called me to be ever again.
Never again will I settle.
Never again will I position myself to be in a place of accepting less than what I’m worth, nor will I cheat God out of the development he’s doing within me and expect more than what I work for.
I will walk in truth.
I will furiously and aggressively pursue the truth of myself. I commit to being honest with others, but more importantly, honest with myself. I refuse to lie to myself any longer, under any circumstance. I am committing to becoming loyal to myself. I refuse to sugar coat my mishaps, and flaws. Even if I risk feeling condemned, I will still confess the ugliest of ugly because I receive that God does not condemn me so therefore, nor shall I.
Whom and what the Holy Spirit doesn’t like, I don’t like.
The Holy Spirit is my teacher,and the only thing that I look to discern what is right, or wrong. What the Holy Spirit does not like I don’t agree with either. The Holy Spirit only speaks what God tells it. I like to play like I don’t know when a relationship isn’t of God. I like to pretend that all of my choices and decisions were made in prayerful consideration. But I know, and God knows, and if I don’t know, there’s a handbook with hundreds of pages called The Bible ready to guide me.
I’m a wife, not a girlfriend.
I refuse, refuse, refuse to ever again consider being in limbo of any kind. I’m not an option. I’m not a choice B. I’m not a “friend” with secret feelings. I’m not a side chick. (Never was, just affirming that statement for us who have) I will be a wife. I am committing to having a man commit to me before he’d ever lie down with me. I am committing to only entertaining a man who understands the importance of God being our foundation. I am committing to understanding that I am God’s prized possession, and I do not have to 1. chase a man, 2. aggressively attempt to fit with someone who shouldn’t have gotten past hello. 3. Send periodical texts so I don’t become forgotten by a man who’s “hunt” for me ended a long time ago.
Queens, I was built by God to receive love, not yearn desperately for it. A muscular body and a handsome face will never lead me into that sort of confusion again. And also, I will never place blame on a man for the things gone awry when I knew I should’ve waited until I was emotionally whole.
I will grow deeper with and in Christ.
Worshipping to my favorite contemporary gospel song means nothing if I don’t regularly spend time in His presence. Devotions, reposts of Godly messages, and my car ride prayers do not replace daily communication with my Most High. Those things should only point me in the direction of God, but never become a substitute for Him. I commit to myself that I will no longer partake in modern and comfortable Christianity. I commit to myself that on this day, the heavenly realm will shine on me, and the pits of hell will hate me because of my convictions and love for Jesus Christ my Savior.
Loving me, like Christ loves me.
No longer will I make the things that empty me my portion. No longer will I prioritize brokenness over being whole in God. No longer will I feel lonely because much is the company of the presence of God. My self-discovery I am journeying on will keep me too busy to ponder on the past and who and what is missing. I commit to being absolutely crazy about me. I will treat, feed, and speak to me well. I will fall in love with me like two love sick high school teenagers. I will go to the ends of the earth…for me. I commit to me, and commit to loving God, like I will love me.
Dear second half of this year,
I won’t be afraid of how I end you…
Here’s to the next six months.